


The Battle of my Thoughts

by ImFreeNow



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 11:38:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10535703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImFreeNow/pseuds/ImFreeNow
Summary: They were once thoughts.Just mere thoughts.Innocent thinking that could do no wrong. That I had control of.Now they have come to life. All after me. What were once mere thoughts now deadly actions.I was their creator and now I am their prey.





	1. I Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mind really is a powerful weapon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to a good friend, AmeezyEpicness, over on Wattpad. 
> 
> Enjoy.

I feel dirty. 

 

I feel filthy. 

 

I feel like a whore. 

 

Physically I'm a virgin, mentally I'm a whore. 

No man has ever had the honor of piercing through my pink, soft lips only to fill my womb with his seed. Taking away the only pure thing I hold dear to me. The only thing that has kept me pure for all these years. It is what I hold dear to me. What I protect with my life. I imagine one of them taking it from me. Claiming me as their own. 

Sex is on my mind quite a bit...I think of big, strong men taking me in any way possible. 

 

From behind...

While holding me down...

Taking full control over my body...

 

The men are so tall...stronger than ever...so big...their members making me whimper. They hurt. But their words make me crave more. Holding me after they're done, close with a tight grip.

I feel him inside me. I feel his sweet nothings being whispered in my ear...I feel his body on top of mine. He's heavy. It's almost like he's trapping me...but I don't want to run.

 

I want him.

I want to be his.

I feel like a whore.

 

No woman should think like this! **No one!**

 

This is wrong...the men of my thoughts, my dreams...they are all protectors...they want to protect me.   

They won't let me go.

Particularly one. 

 

He's the strongest of them all. 

He won't let me go. 

He says I belong to him. 

 

For some, these thoughts may feel like a nightmare. For me, they have helped me escape reality. They make me feel better. I feel happiness. I feel relief. Even if they only last for a mere second or hours on end. 

 

These men make me feel wanted...

 

These are not hundreds of men crowding my mind, embedded deep in my thoughts to play out my most desired fantasies. Not even dozens. Only four.   

Just four tall, dominating, powerful men that want me.

 

In return I want them...

 

They don't know about each other nor do I ever want them to find out.   

They have no names but they know mine.   

I don't know what they are to me...  

 

Friends?

Lovers?

They certainly aren't husbands!

 

They say I'm theirs...I belong to them...no one can take me from them... 

And if one does?  

The person will have to answer to one of them.  


	2. Alone with my Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts are incapable of love

I'm alone. 

 

I feel lonely.

 

 _They_ keep me company. 

I don't feel alone in my thoughts. If anything, it feels like it's just me and them against the world. They were there for me when no one else was...they comforted me...nurtured me... _loved_ me. 

 

Do they **love** _me?_

_Impossible!_

**Preposterous!**

 

These men aren't real! These men aren't even men! They all are thoughts!

How can thoughts love you?

 

Thoughts can lift up your spirits.   

Thoughts can make you feel better.

Thoughts can motivate.

 

But they can't love you!

 

They don't exist.  

I can make myself believe they love me. But in all reality, if I wanted them to vanish into thin air, run away and never come back, _kill themselves._  

 

They would do it.

 

They all would. 

 

Would take no more than a second.

 

I'm in control!

They do as I say! 

They obey me!

 

They may dominate me when I am with them but I can make them stop. I say when enough is enough. I choose their paths. Their fate is decided by me. 

They all are far from threats but I can make them go away. Whether I choose one by one or all together, in a heartbeat, they all leave. 

 

But do they love me? 

Do they truly care for me? 

Are they my strong protectors or just my lustful thoughts? 

 

The reason they were created was to fight the aching despair that was isolation. The reason they live inside me is to erase the bleeding misery that was my loneliness. The only reason they are my thoughts was to escape from all of it. 

It all started at age thirteen. Such a  pariah I was back then. Never having a true friend to help me, be there in my time of need. Even when I reached out to others they would only acknowledge me when they wanted something.

After they got what they wanted, caring for me was too much for them. Selfish people they were. I could have gone to hell, stayed there too, that would bring them joy. I could have left, never to return again, they would all breathe a sigh of relief. 

As I grew older, I spent more time in my imagination. Alone with my thoughts. 

 

That was when he arrived. 

 

What started off as innocent thoughts of a normal teenage girl, became a three-year long love affair. At first, I saw it as almost practice for when an actual boy ever decided to talk to me. My time spent with this man was far from practice and innocent thinking. It was at that exact moment I knew I wasn't normal. 

He was my company when no one wanted to talk to me. He was my mentor when no one would dare speak to me. He was my inamorato when no one would touch me. They all were my inamoratos but this one was my first. 

He was my support when everyone lost faith in me. 

 

He was perfect. 

Blonde hair. 

Blue eyes. 

 

He was truly perfect. His light features practically intertwined with my dark ones. Always cuddling me like one would a lover. Kiss after kiss and even talk of marriage. We never made love. We were so close. So close to go to bed together but never did. 

For us to lie together would mean marriage. Thoughts of marriage only came to mind a handful of times. In my eyes, they never came. Hell, they had no business being there. 

It was when I realized I went too far. This had to stop. It was then I left him. It was easy to forget about him. Looking back, he was just a boy with no name. A man I will never have. Someone to take my pain. Someone I could escape reality with. 

Never did he try to come back. He never made his return without my permission. The more time he spent away, the more I took control. I was in control of what entered my mind, body, and soul. In the end, I wanted to thank him. My time spent with the blonde taught me that I have full control of my world, my reality, my life. Once he left, a new beginning arrived.

 

So did a new man.   


End file.
